Man United V Leeds Jokes -Cillit Bang- Still going!

* Leeds United have unveiled their new sponsor … Cillit Bang … guaranteed to remove scum from cups!

* A sponsorship deal has been announced for the Manchester United defence. Polo mints are interested as they too have a big hole in the middle.

* Manchester United have apparently set up a call centre for fans who are troubled by their current form.

The number is 0800 10 10 10. Calls charged at peak rate for overseas users.

Once again the number is: 0800 won nothing won nothing won nothing.

* Top tip for Manchester United fans: don’t waste money on expensive new kits every season. Simply strap a large inflatable penis to your forehead, and everyone will immediately know which team you support.